The Ear Machine

Mr and Mrs. Patel lived alone. Their children had settled abroad. The old couple didn’t like it much in ‘America’. 

They preferred the smell of their Mumbai house, the warm dhokla that they would get anytime of the day on the corner of the street , the regular discussions about the serials that Mrs. Patel had with her friends and the bellowing and cheering that Mr. Patel and his friends at Jolly Retired Fellows Club would do while watching any cricket series. 

Most importantly they had missed ‘their time’- the home made pani puri competitions, breaking into duets while doing house chores, the debates they had over the daily horoscope and secretly playing dandiya  when in mood. 

One day Mrs. Patel was in her kitchen and needed some help. She called out a few times for Mr. Patel but he didn’t hear her. He was busy doing Origami. Feeling mad Mrs. Patel came near Mr. Patel and yelled out loud, “Can’t you hear me, you deaf old man? I have been screaming for help!” 

Mr. Patel turned to her patiently and said, “What?” 

Mrs. Patel scowled and walked away. 

Some other night the two were watching their favourite comedy show. Mrs. Patel was rolling with laughter but Mr. Patel had a straight face. 

Mrs. Patel asked him, “Aren’t you finding the jokes funny?” 

Mr. Patel said, “No.  I don’t think I can hear them at all.” 

Mrs. Patel looked really worried now. She clapped a few times and asked if he could hear. He told her, “Clap a little loudly, will you?” 

Mrs. Patel looked horrified and showed him how pink her hands had got after clapping, “I clapped pretty hard for you.... Does that mean you are going deaf?” 

Mr. Patel didn’t know what to say. 

The two Patels saw an ear doctor. The doctor explained that he would run some tests. Mrs. Patel told the doctor earnestly, “I miss chirping around him. I miss the duets which we had. I miss laughing with him. Please fit him an ear machine if you have to.” The doctor promised he would do his best. 

By me

Mr. Patel returned home with a brand new ear machine. He hated it. He complained how the machine made his ear heavy. And how some strange whistle keeps on blowing into his ear. He would crib to wear it. Mrs. Patel would beg him to wear for her. She started taking extra efforts to make him understand what she was saying. She would patiently repeat the jokes if her husband was feeling bored to wear the machine. 

A few days passed. Mr. Patel noticed although his wife didn’t express, she had grown sadder. 

One day he told her that they must ride the new Metro that’s come up in the city. The old couple got dressed and very excitedly boarded the metro. The two sat at the window and admired how the clouds sailed and how they were running along the airport from a distance and how the train snaked along the tracks. 

When the train halted at a station Mr. Patel asked, “What station are we on?” 

Mrs. Patel answered, “Chakala.” 

Mr. Patel asked, “What?” 

The old lady repeated, “Its Cha-ka-la.” 

Mr. Patel looked blank. 

His wife got exasperated, “Can’t you see, its Chakala?” 

Mr. Patel smiled, “I can see too.” 

Mrs. Patel kept looking outside the window and suddenly noticed something, “Where did your machine go?”, she got impatient. 

“What machine?” Mr. Patel kept looking out. 

“That ear....”, and Mrs. Patel’s jaw dropped open. 

Mr. Patel was smiling slyly. 

She started to turn red, “You said you can see too. That means you could hear all along. With and without the machine!” 

Mr. Patel laughed, “What?” 

Mrs. Patel didn’t know whether to cry or laugh, “This was a payback just because I called you a deaf old man, isn’t it?”  

Mr. Patel grinned. 

P.S: I met an old couple on the Metro and the husband was wearing an ear machine. The Chakala thing did happen. The old woman patiently repeated for her husband and the old man switched on his ear machine just to hear his wife :) 

It was too cute! 

I have made up the before and after story, ofcourse!

Love, 

Amruta :) 

In Love Since their 20's

Anil and Kusum Kalgutkars are my dad’s best buddies and now our family friends. Since their daughters and I were a baby we have been going out on vacations together and its been fun. As a kid I always found them adorable but did not know any back story. But as I grew up I could pick up certain ‘not so normal’ (read arrange marriage) traits and finally one day over dinner grilled them. What came out was a bag of revelations of not just their stories but of my parents‘ too :)   

Anil kaka and Kusum kakee were college sweethearts. And my dad was the third wheel in their relationship, a witness to almost everything! 

Kusum was this young pretty looking girl from Ajmer who had come to Mumbai to study architecture from the  “JJ School of Arts” and Anil was this hairy bearded Andheri boy studying architecture from Raheja College. 

He was two years older to her and lived in a different town and was from a different college altogether. And they DID NOT have any common friends nor did they find each other on ‘Facebook’ (forget mobile there was hardly a landline then) ! 

So how did they meet? Well they were interning/ working at the same workplace while they were studying. 

Kusum had come over for an interview. Anil’s boss had put him in charge of giving her an assignment and looking how she was doing it. As she sat on the table drawing sincerely Anil was checking everything alright. But it wasn’t the drawing he was looking at. He was looking at her and couldn’t take his eyes off her! 

So when my dear kaki after spending some time on the drawing showed him what she had done... He scrapped it and made her draw another one!! Ofcourse that was so that he could see her for a longer time. By then she had already passed the interview and was permanently welcomed by Anil Kaka in his life :) 

One of the naughty incidents that Anil kaka enjoyed sharing(much to the annoyance of Kusum Kakee) was the ‘train incident’. This was the time when people didn’t have any communicating device. They would follow the time and place as fixed in their previous meeting and WOULD TURN UP without confusion! Their common place of meeting was the Churchgate station. 

It was a Sunday and they had decided to meet sometime in the afternoon. Though Kusum lived at Churchgate in a hostel that day she was visiting her cousin in Goregaon (another town in Mumbai). Since it was a Sunday afternoon the trains were empty and she sat into the gents’ compartment reading her book. Anil was going to meet her at Churchgate directly.  

As destined, Anil got into the same compartment at his station and saw Kusum sitting in the middle of seat. She was engrossed in her book. He tried to get her attention but she was following a ‘I-don’t-want-to-see-nor- entertain- idiotic-men’ policy. So Anil went and sat next to her. She still chose to put her head into her book. Anil then shifted closer to her. Kusum shifted further away wanting to get away from this man. Anil Kaka shifted closer. Kusum shifted farther. He started drawing closer. Now Kusum lost it, “Who was this man irritating me?” And when she finally looked at him there he was flashing his white teeth amidst his black beard- my Anil Kaka beaming at her naughtily! 

Though the two belonged to different communities and castes the two got married almost without any glitches. Kusum had already told her parents that she was going around with this guy from Mumbai the day she started seeing him. Anil’s mother had just one worry- “Will Kusum, a vegetarian adjust with our non-vegetarian food and the smell in the house?” :) 

Today the two are in their twenty-sixth year of marriage and thirty years of togetherness. They have two lovely daughters- Deepika and Ketki and run their own architecture firm in partnership and going strong like never before! 

Last night as I asked them and my parents, “Did you go on double dates before marriage?”, they exchanged confused looks, “What’s that?” And when I elaborated they smiled and said, “A lot! It was fun and has been a lot more fun taking you kids out with us.”